Have you ever been told that you...
often look pre-occupied?
have selective hearing?
avoid eye contact?
look bored?
Or do you often catch yourself...
interrupting others or finishing their sentences?
offering unsolicited advice in the form of “help”?
talking about yourself more than you ask about the other person?
step into a conversation with firm assumptions about the other person?
forget key details from conversations?
rush conversations to get to the next thing?
generally struggling relating to team members?
If you're a leader and any of these tell-tale signs resonate with you, keep reading. I'm about to explain to you the difference between “hearing” and “listening”.
Many leaders assume they are good listeners, but often they are referred to me because they exhibit some common habits, such as those listed above, which may indicate that they have a listening problem. Once they understand the distinction between simply hearing and the active engagement required of listening, it is often transformative for their leadership journey.
Here’s the issue: Most leaders think they're pretty good at communicating and engaging with their team members. They hear words and respond accordingly, but are they truly listening?
Unpacking the distinction between Hearing and Listening
Hearing is automatic, involuntary, and purely sensory. Listening, however, is an active, intentional process. Listening involves paying attention, comprehending, and interpreting the message being conveyed.
Why is this distinction crucial for leaders?
Enhanced Understanding
Listening allows leaders to understand not just what is being said, but also the underlying emotions, concerns, and motivations. It's about grasping the full context of a message, including other cues, such as body language, that accompany the words to allow the listener to fully read between the lines and "get" the message.
Improved Relationships
Effective listening builds trust and rapport within your team. When team members feel heard, they're more likely to communicate openly and feel valued.
Informed Decision-Making
Leaders who truly listen gather more data and perspectives, which can lead to better-informed decisions and solutions.
Conflict Resolution
Active listening is an invaluable tool for resolving conflicts. When individuals feel heard and acknowledged, it's easier to find common ground and reach mutually agreeable solutions.
Below I list some simple strategies that can help leaders become more mindful listeners.
Be Present in the Moment
As a leaders, you are often juggling numerous responsibilities. But when engaging in a conversation with team members, be present in the moment and give your full attention to the person speaking. This simple act demonstrates your respect and commitment to the conversation.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Open-ended questions invite others to elaborate their thoughts, allowing them to paint a more accurate picture. They encourage more meaningful dialogue and invite team members to share their thoughts, feelings, and ideas more freely as opposed to closed-ended questions, that elicit a simple "yes" or "no,". Next time you want to draw more information out of a team player, opt for questions that start with "what," and "how".
Practice Empathetic Listening
Empathetic listening involves not just hearing the words spoken but also understanding the emotions behind them. By being a better listener, you will more easily foster deeper connections and be better able to address the underlying needs of your team.
Avoid Interruptions and Judgments
Resist the urge to interrupt or jump to conclusions. Let team members express themselves fully before responding. Avoid making judgments or assumptions until you've gained a comprehensive understanding of their perspective.
Summarize
This strategy is unfortunately underutilized. After your team member has spoken, take a moment to reflect on what you've heard. Summarize their key points to ensure you've grasped their message accurately and prove you've been listening attentively.
Seek Feedback on Your Listening Skills
Ask for feedback regarding your listening skills as you would about any other aspect of your work. Your team members' insights can be invaluable for self-improvement. Create an open environment where honest communication is encouraged.
Lead by Example
As a leader, demonstrate the importance of listening by regularly actively engaging with your team members. When they see you practicing good listening skills, they're more likely to follow suit. In fact, leading by example should be the approach for all habits and behaviors to wish to see from your team members.
Effective leadership requires effective listening skills. By actively honing the skills described above, you can build stronger relationships, make better decisions, and lead your team to greater success. So, take the time to truly listen, and watch as the quality of your conversations drastically improves – at work AND at home.